It's Not You, It's Me (#27)

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26 Jun 20112 comments
This is a personal entry for my 30-day Trusting Myself challenge, part of Seth Godin's #Trust30 project, inspired by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Today's Challenge:

Think about the type of person you'd NEVER want to be 5 years from now. Write out your own personal recipe to prevent this from happening and commit to following it. "Thought is the seed of action."

Today's entry:

I'm fighting this one a bit, because I'm kind of a never-say-never sort of guy. Of course, usually that just means not closing off options. I've never really understood people who say things like "I'll never get married", or "I'll never work in an office", or "I'll never like romantic comedies".

I can't say they're wrong about any of those things - they may actually never do them. What I don't get is closing off a future avenue for no apparent reason. Some choices don't have to be made today. It's fine to know what you want, but to be completely inflexible about it is to say that your judgement, in the here and now, is infallible. Personally, there's a whole lot of possibility I haven't seen yet.

Of course, there is a kind of person I don't want to be. If I had to pin it down, I'd say that I don't want to be the kind of person who uses other people (especially his family) as an excuse for not living his life. I've seen that way too often, even with friends. "I can't live my dream because of my [wife][kids][in-laws][parents][sister]."

The most dangerous excuses are the ones with a grain of truth.

I remember this every day when I'm trying to do yoga with my 11-month-old daughter in the room. Just about when I'm starting to get frustrated because she's pulling on my pant leg or headbutting me, I think "What's the point of serenity if I can't use it in real life?" If you can only find enlightenment in a studio with perfect lighting, scented candles, and noise-proof walls, then you're doing it wrong. So, I smile at my little girl and we make a game of it.

I've made my choices, and that sometimes means leaving a path behind, but so often I find that 80% of my obstacles come from me. It's easy to point the finger at my screaming kid, politicians, Corporate America, or the honking car outside the window, but that's all a convenient excuse. I don't ever want to be the guy who throws my whole life away just because I'm too selfish to realize that I'm the root of my problems.

28 Jun – Robert Wenger

"If you can only find enlightenment in a studio with perfect lighting, scented candles, and noise-proof walls, then you're doing it wrong. So, I smile at my little girl and we make a game of it."

I like the "if you cant use it in 'real life', then why do it?" thought. When I sit down at my computer, I often think along those lines. I can go on Facebook and play a game, or I can read SEOmoz/SEW. Both are entertaining (to me), but will I really be gaining anything by making it to level 8 in "curveball" for the 50th time?

28 Jun – Dr. Pete

@Robert - I struggle with that, too. I try to balance it out, because I think it's ok to just blow off steam once in a while. On the other hand, one thing I try not to do (and frequently fail, I admit) is not just waste time out of avoidance. Watching a TV show I sincerely enjoy is fine. Channel-surfing to avoid start a project isn't.